The brightest diamond;

The truth is I can feel evil and darkness attempting to rip apart every facet of my life and cause me to feel defeated, or doubtful and wrong.  It’s very heavy and very hard, but I know I’m doing the right thing in the right place.

 We do not serve when it is convenient for us. We serve and answer a need when called.

Spiritual maturity is knowing the difference between “No” and “Not yet,” between a denial and a delay. The Bible tells us, “He who is coming will come and will not delay” (Hebrews 10:37 NIV).

Bear with me. This is long….I’m a numbers person. I keep a financial diary. This book has been the source of many smart decisions and stresses in my life. I sat down today and estimated how much rebuilding my life would cost. I will admit this number troubled me. Though I was in quite a good mood today by the time I ended up at church I was basically stuck in my head running numbers, thinking and not really talking to anyone.

During the sermon Shane asked us to pray for God to let us know what we should be giving up, cutting off, disposing of, in our lives and my exact though was “What the heck else do I even have to give up? I don’t have anything.” and that’s when I knew. 

We had to write them down. I wrote:
“I give up feeling like I am entitled to be given anything just because I left things behind for You”

We chunked them in a can and burned them. My mind was still on numbers. Aloof. In my head. I left. Sat in my car. The Spirit told me to pray. So I did. I prayed that God would forgive me for worrying, forgive me for being mad that things weren’t handed to me, thanked Him for what I had. Amen.

I put my key in the ignition. Turned. No more check engine light. The car was no longer making noises and driving a little rough. Smooth as the day I bought it. Suddenly $500 was crossed off my list. 

My God is a good God all of the time.

Some of my friends call me foolish. They tell me I never learn my lesson. They say I need to be less trusting, less positive, less open, less accepting, less naive.

“People are bad.”
“People will hurt you.”
“You need to be more careful who you trust.”

Well, if learning a lesson and being “wise” means looking at people and not thinking the best of them…well then I want to be foolish the rest of my life. I want to love everyone I meet like I’ve never been hurt or burned in my life. I want to love innocently and wholly. Every. Single. Time. I want to love people the way my Christ does.